From Trust to Treasure: How to Assess Character

Whether it is a boss, co-worker, tenant or community partnership, some level of trust is required. Without it there is no respect or reciprocity. Here are some simple guidelines to evaluate whether trust is worth the risk.

How severe was the problem? Recent or remote? Outside of the persons control? So prevalent it is not worth regarding? Extenuating circumstances? Clear pattern of improvement? A road back?

If trust is a starting point, then perhaps treasure is optimal. We invest in others with the hopes of a good outcome. Think of high cost of turn over in business. Training costs can be enormous.

Severe problems might include whether to hire someone with a pattern of violence. Everyone deserves a chance, but a person with this history might do well stocking shelves rather than working with the public.

What about if some details come out decades later? It might depend on a variety of factors. How reliable a track record does the person have? Have they made amends? Has the problem been repeated since?

The HEART of Conversation

It has been said that we don't interact face to face anymore. Recently this writer walked into a dining situation with people who were unknown to us and shared a table. The conversation was so negative, it was unbearable, so I drew on a skill from college days and began focusing on exceptions. The gentleman on my left was droning on about the evils of technology. Quickly I interjected, our daughter is a novelist. She would be hard pressed to turn out novels quickly without the aid of a computer. For some people such as the disabled, technology has been life changing. Two chairs to the right, a man piped up "that's different". In other words that was a good use of technology. That tiny intervention turned the conversation positive for the rest of the hour.

This technique is useful. Rather than joining a gripe session, or chiming in on what is wrong, try changing the tone. Imagine the outcome if politicians, the faith community, co-workers, neighbors and families began the simple practice. Some might call it heart. Others may refer to it as the art of communication.

Whether the topic is world peace, neighborhood mediation, a healthy work place, safe neighborhood or peace in the family, it is imperative to build on whatever is good.

Here are a few basic principles:
Focus on what is positive
Believe in what is possible
Bring out the best in others
Set boundaries to quash negative behavior
Live by example

The art of communication is technique, theory or savvy. Heart is relational, compassionate, and respectful. Both aspects are necessary. Neither is sufficient in isolation. HEART is both necessary and sufficient.

Wind-swept Trees: A Deeper Look at Stress Management

This is from a larger casual written conversation with a friend.
Two members of her family were experiencing a short-term medical crisis. It seemed like they were expecting a lot, perhaps not realizing how stressful these demands were on top of her full life. My friend found these words helpful. Hopefully it will be of use to others who have sometimes found themselves in difficult communication or behavior patterns with employees or volunteers.

When driving along the Oregon coast it is common to see trees that appear misshapen. It is easy to conclude these wind-swept trees are defective since they did not grow to perfection. A deeper look allows us to appreciate their beauty, distinctive and rare. These trees tell a story. But who listens? People who have difficult personality traits also have a story. A lot can be learned about a person's life by their personality. These folks are part of a diverse creation. Looking through a clearer lens, marvel at their ability to adapt and thrive in a harsh environment. They are worthy of respect. For they have overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. Despite the tests of life they have held on and some have even flourished. People are a lot like those trees. They don't always look their best, and may sometimes be demanding or self absorbed. Extra care may be needed so they can make it through a crisis. In time they resume or develop a kind of grace that offers shelter to others. Our investment in them lives on.